Liz's Land of Wonder

I see you.

I see you. I see you sitting there. There, with the kind of look eyeliner or a new shade of lipstick doesn’t cover up. Some call it longing, you call it restlessness. A listless feeling that where you are is not where you want to hang up your coat and stay a while. Nobody will notice, you think.

You fake a smile back at me that could be genuine if you went three degrees to the left. A laugh that feels genuine until you think about it later.

Be in the present? To try that would be to consciously exit all the parts of your brain that are churning, and to enter a door with people you never know anything about. Your brain is your little closet of words and memories, of reminders of the things you could say and be. The present is only a vehicle for some better tomorrow, a tomorrow you hope will come faster than your alarm. I see you, though. I see you right before that fake laughter, the way your body always lean towards the window like a plant heading to light. You like the light. You know light dispells darkness.

Welcome to the generation of wishes. The I miss you. The ‘somebody’s got to be able to express the things I’m feeling so I don’t feel so alone.’ It’s the feeling that makes you misquote the poetry of people who lost love in the exact sentiment you feel like you lost love. You stare at pictures of yourself and  remember the moments you weren’t so hurt or weren’t so lost and had that killer concert tee you think you left somewhere. It’s a person, it’s not a person, it’s the uncomfortable numb that times were better in moments you’re not exactly in now. It’s what happens when you have a whole week of days where nothing happens—no upwards motions, just little conversations that lack bite, of whole Tuesdays that pass without you noticing. It is a sit and wait. It is a ‘please get more interesting.’ It is driving you crazy.

It’s also this feeling of messing up. The feeling of being on your own without the tools to guide you to the spot you’re supposed to be, only because there was never a spot you were supposed to be. And again, it’s the constant longing. A homesick without having a home, the decision to ignore the home you have now.

When did we start to feel this way? I’d say around the time of uncertainty, around the exact time somebody handed us our lives and a piece of paper that somehow indicated we were “adults” now. You had no footing. You wish you did. The last few months, years for some, have been little moments of routine, of the hike trail to the life you might have somewhere far away and distant. Where there is a somebody, there is a secure job, there is a bank account and a home with actual furniture, and books, and reccords. A beam of light in the eyes of 36 and cardigan sweaters you finally found.

There is the ignorance of the present. You, on the tightrope of yesterday where things were simple, walking towards the things you think will happen. You don’t look down. You see neither the ground or the string. You are stuck somewhere in the back of your mind, because there is nowhere safer to go.

I just want to say I see you…

The bottomless pit you’ve been ignoring is still there, but this time you need to feel the fear of being alive. This time you need to feel. Feel things. Good things. Bad things.

Face it. Head on. Stop thinking of yesterday, or tomorrow, or any other day that is not today. Consider this day, in all of it’s sadness and terrifying moments and potential slips on ice. See all the things you have. Look, and marvel. Being alive and young is something that only happens right now. It’s not 16. It’s now. If you don’t, the rest of your years will be filled with the longings of this day, of this today, when you forgot who you were but you stepped outside of yourself, got some air, cleared your head, had a serious come to Jesus meeting…and reminded yourself who you want to be.

The view is lovely, my dear. It is so nice, and so deep, and so scary.

Wish you were here.

thedailywhat:

A Cappella Disney Medley of the Day: UMass Amherst a cappella group The Doo Wop Shop perform a “cleverly arranged, and hilarious, medley of various Disney classics.”

[thanks anon!]

This made my Monday. Adorable.

(Source: thedailywhat)

140 Plays
Citizen Cope
Somehow

hautelikecouture:

Somehow - Citizen Cope

Could you believe me somehow?
You’re second to none, and you got my love.
You got me under the gun.
Could you receive me somehow?

I’ll stay with ya, stay with ya, stay with ya ‘til the end. 

You got your coat on, got me focused on.
Don’t move in slow motion.
Every time I see it’s just enough that you and I was meant to be together in love. 

— 

This song.

With all the rain it’s been a Citizen Cope kinda day…

whatthejazz:

I think the biggest news is the White House has a “Situation Room”, I assume this is where they do ab workouts and talk like illiterates.

This was to good not to share with the class

This was to good not to share with the class

(via somefunnypics-deactivated201308)

This is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
— George Bernard Shaw
Perhaps one of the most beautiful women to grace us with her violet eyes…My condolences for the whole world that such a great woman is no more the adornment of it."I feel very adventurous. There are so many doors to be opened, and I’m not afraid to look behind them.” Elizabeth Taylor 

Perhaps one of the most beautiful women to grace us with her violet eyes…My condolences for the whole world that such a great woman is no more the adornment of it.

"I feel very adventurous. There are so many doors to be opened, and I’m not afraid to look behind them.” Elizabeth Taylor 

(Source: yerawizardharry)


I received a phone call today…you know the one.  The one that begins with that awkward silence and your sitting there thinking, “You called me remember?  I’m at work and kinda busy…can you wrap this up.”
And then the room starts spinning as you hear the words…”I hate to be the one to tell you this…but Sara died in her sleep last night.”  What? Sara?  That doesn’t make any sense.  Sara is in her mid-twenties, married with a four year old adorable little boy.  Sara couldn’t have just died in her sleep.  And then the hole starts to grow.  You know the one.  That gapping hole in your chest as you remember the cute blonde you would would give rides to cheerleading practice to three times a week in the summer, and back home on game nights.  The sweet girl that though you came from two completely different worlds you never seemed to run out of things to talk about.  The fighter who would always question circumstances and never would take, “that’s just how we do things,” as an answer.  Your ability to make everyone who came into contact with you feel special, and important is something I’ll always take with me.Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  -From a headstone in Ireland 

I received a phone call today…you know the one.  The one that begins with that awkward silence and your sitting there thinking, “You called me remember?  I’m at work and kinda busy…can you wrap this up.”


And then the room starts spinning as you hear the words…”I hate to be the one to tell you this…but Sara died in her sleep last night.”  What? Sara?  That doesn’t make any sense.  Sara is in her mid-twenties, married with a four year old adorable little boy.  Sara couldn’t have just died in her sleep.  
And then the hole starts to grow.  You know the one.  That gapping hole in your chest as you remember the cute blonde you would would give rides to cheerleading practice to three times a week in the summer, and back home on game nights.  The sweet girl that though you came from two completely different worlds you never seemed to run out of things to talk about.  The fighter who would always question circumstances and never would take, “that’s just how we do things,” as an answer.  Your ability to make everyone who came into contact with you feel special, and important is something I’ll always take with me.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  -From a headstone in Ireland
 

phillyfilly:

How’s that for perspective? 
And I here I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday.
Prayers and messages of hope and goodwill for those affected by this devastating occurrence. Also, if you’re on the West Coast, be smart and be safe.
photo via

phillyfilly:

How’s that for perspective? 

And I here I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday.

Prayers and messages of hope and goodwill for those affected by this devastating occurrence. Also, if you’re on the West Coast, be smart and be safe.

photo via

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